How to write a monograph project during war crimes, imperial crises, seven deaths (if not more) in a year, breadwinning, asset managing, unsolicited condolences, heartbreak (multiple), piles of job application rejections (fascism-caused, but self-esteem was still screwed), and self-imposed isolation? I would say don’t, but it’s amazing how pilates (4 hours/week) and abusive biking (10-20 miles/day) could somehow help you do it.
Anyway, I “successfully defended”1 my dissertation and became a quasi-doctor. Quasi because I still have to send my revision. Despite my adviser’s concern, as long as the revision does not touch upon my argument, I’m fine. Everyone seems pleased (and convinced) with my primary argument, and they just wanted a better narrative. That’s good enough for me.
No, really, how did we — those in grad school, terminal grad students since the 2020 COVID Pandemic — do it? Mass psychosis? Self-indulgence? Vices that involve spiritual ayahuasca retreats in Peru? Self-inflated ego? Even more abusive biking? Baking Earl Grey choco chip cookies at 2 am? I have no idea. All I had were my close friends, allies, my bike, and a beautiful hyacinth-smelling studio apartment with an intricate and well-constructed color coding (sage green, ivory white, emerald, gold, & a touch of almond brown). And a picture of my late father and grandfather hanging on my desk.
I also kept telling myself I shouldn’t sweat so much about possibly the worst thing I’ve ever written. It’s not some self-deprecation; it’s more about understanding boundaries and my attempt to unlearn perfectionism. It’s not that my dissertation is bad, it could’ve been written better. Every writing could have! Except for Master and Margarita, Bhagavad Gita, and The Waves, probably. But writing it better is not the goal of a dissertation; the goal is to finish it with the capacity that you have when you write it. Your citation is going to be a mess, you will have unruly sentences, and you will have typos. Just rawdog that Mc. Word, dawg.
I believe it’s (the) James Scott who said that your dissertation is going to be bad, so just write it and move on.2 You’re going to rewrite everything if you want to publish it anyway! All I’m saying is there’s so much resentment already about academia in the wake of COVID, just save that hatred towards something more deserving: politicians, and your military-defense-contractor-cum-university’s alumni mailing list asking for donations.
And, be honest: how many writing classes do graduate schools offer and require? Writing services and centers exist for a reason. Those boring journals are a testament that not everyone knows how to write like Toni Morrison in academia. Writing is a long-term craft, and six years (at least) of graduate school filled with *wild hand gestures about the state of the world and academia itself* are probably not the best time and place to hone it. Unlike John Waters’ parents, academia gifts us with a tyranny of awful prose.
Alas, I used some software to keep me on track with my writing. Scrivener is somewhat helpful (though it’s not free) for managing a book-length writing project. I used Zotero a lot to manage and organize my literature review – this is probably the most impactful one. I hate how it’s so glitchy, but still. Grammarly is okay, but not so much anymore, and my friend Sofyan said it right: Grammarly is only helpful when you have solid writing skills & comprehension. Otherwise, it’s useless and it’s going to mess up your writing. I had a few bad experiences with folks using Grammarly, and they made me rewrite the entire manuscript. It is still useful for basic grammar, though, hence the name.
What else is there to write about my dissertation? Thank God, Divine, whoever, that it’s done (not really) now. What to expect? I got an academic job. A quite nice one even. In this economy! All I want to do is take a nap in the Lamandau rainforest and never leave again.
Clearly there’s nothing useful about this writing. At least, please watch this amazing skit (or is it?) by Pat that perfectly summarizes my entire mental state for the last two years. The darkness do be encroaching tho.
Pravda Palma 
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